Brace yourselves. I'm in a bad mood today.
It's not a great way to kick off a new week, but I didn't order up this melange of grief. It reared up on me shortly after I awoke. Rest assured, there has been no great personal tragedy in my life. No loved one has died or been diagnosed with cancer. There have been no reports of family divorces, job losses or broken bones. But there are some thorny issues.
With both my love and I clocking in at over 60 years old, those folks who have traveled the distance with us are beginning to drop off. That's a fact of life. And so it was that we attended a funeral on Friday for a long time associate of ours, one of those people who, while not a personal friend, was someone who had supported our lives for thirty some years. He helped us build the solid financial footing we now find ourselves enjoying in retirement. He helped sort out and consolidate the assets of both our parents. He set up investments for our children's education plans. His death shook my tree of life.
|"After all, what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow."|
Eeyore from "The House at Pooh Corner" by A. A. Milne
Added to that I'm coming up on a birthday. I'm just eight days away from entering my 65th year on this earth. My love wants to know what I want to do to celebrate. I have no idea. Everything that comes to mind is quickly dismissed by the committee of whiners and critics in my head as being too far, too expensive, too ordinary, too extravagant, too, too, too. Whine, whine, whine.
There have already been tears this morning, but I've moved past that, and run headlong into Anger.
"Smarten up, April! You have food, clean water, and a roof over your head. You are a long way from where you were a year ago. You have energy to burn and a body that with a few exceptions, works pretty well for sixty+ years on the road. You sissy! Why even your own Aunt is motoring along at over 90.
Suck it up buttercup!"A warm blanket of denial would be very nice right now.
I'm not getting older. I'm getting better! I can do anything I set my mind to. I can climb every mountain, ford every stream... I think I feel a song coming on.
I think it's working...
I'm feeling better already.
Have a great week!
©2017 April Hoeller