You've Expired!

"Oh, you've expired!"exclaimed the smiling gal at the cash.

Rainbow Arch, Lindisfarne
2008 April Hoeller

I confess to having been somewhat taken aback by this news.  Me? Expired?  I didn't feel expired, though I had of course been in the check out queue.  Further investigation seemed required.  I noted that I was apparently breathing normally -- coolish wafts filling my nostrils when I inhaled.  A cursory scan of my kinesthetic sensors revealed nothing out of the ordinary -- my feet felt firmly planted on beige linoleum and I was upright.  The smiling gal did not look at all like God, well at least nothing like the picture in the Sistine Chapel (that's the official portrait of God right?), nor did she bear any resemblance to St. Peter or any other members of the heavenly realm.  And I'm very happy to say that I did not detect any superfluous appendages (horns, tail) and that she was not the least bit red nor wearing a red cape.

Expired?  Surely not!  But I suppose it is possible -- an utterly seamless transition from this world into the next, from Chapters in Newmarket to the BIG book store in heaven.  But then why would I buy a book on Paris?  Why would I buy a book, period?  Does one read in eternity?  Go to bookstores?  Is it possible to be tourist and go on vacations to Paris?

The mind boggles at the wonder of it all.  Mind you if this is eternity, I'm more than a tad disappointed to see the big retailers up here.  I wonder what Walmart looks like?  I sure hope there's a more equitable merchandising policy in place.  I expect fair trade at the very least.  And just exactly what am I going to do about it if that's not the case?  Go to customer service?  Perhaps I have gone to hell in a hand basket, after all.

"She looks pretty alive to me."  The voice from somewhere behind me snatched me back into the present moment.  Less than two seconds have passed since I heard that I had expired.  The cashier is still beaming at me, my irewards card fluttering between the fingers of her right hand.

"You mean my card has expired."  I chuckle and grinned broadly back at her, noting her ever so slightly red flush.

"Yes," she stammered, "would you like to renew it?"

"Yes, please. Go ahead."

"That comes to $54.67."

She pushed the card reader toward me.  I dutifully entered my PIN and then I'm sure I saw the screen flash:
'Paris tour book plus a rewards card renewal: $54.67
Flight of fancy to eternity and back, in under 2 seconds: Priceless!'


(I was at a writer's gathering yesterday, Writers Community of York Region, and Dorothea Helms, our featured speaker, invited us to make use of our experiences.  If you find something intriguing, amusing, etc., she said we should write about it.  Chances are readers will connect with the experience too.  So this piece is an episode in my day today, with apologies to the gal at Chapters who told me I was expired. LOL)